I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
