I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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