I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
