i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
