True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
