i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
