just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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