So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize