That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
