I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
