I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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