Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
