now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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