Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize