So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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