that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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