She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize