conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
