When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
