last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
zippers are such a cool invention
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
