Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
