I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm really into asian looking animals
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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