Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
