Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
