Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
