she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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