So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
