U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
