the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
