you traded sex for a burrito?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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