is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
