dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
