yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
