Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
