Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
