How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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