he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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