dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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