dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
