ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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