..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
