shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
