loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
