dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im holly from the hills drunk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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