Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
