im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
