okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
