the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
