i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
