No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
