I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
