When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
