Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
