I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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