I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
