if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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