I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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