Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
