the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize