I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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