I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
