yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My cat gives me a boner
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
