I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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