i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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