In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
