When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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