Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
