mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
