My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
