Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
