So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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