i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
