if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
