im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize