Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
