Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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