i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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