No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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