Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
