do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
