basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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